Impulsiveness is good, when practiced in moderation. You need to give randomness a chance to drive you toward unexpected and unplanned pleasures. Sometimes impulsiveness will reward you, sometimes it will not – as with any gamble you never know. And that’s the exactly the thrill of it. The moment you try to seize control and create a winning streak, you are no longer enjoying… you are laboring.
Most importantly – know where impulsiveness begins and know where it ends. Because if you don’t, you’ll fall into same trap so many of us fall – giving impulsiveness free reign.
You need set boundaries to encompass what you represent. You must know the foundation of your character and what you stand for. You can’t make up rules and assign arbitrary meaning as you go or as it aligns with whatever you decided in certain moment. Life of abrupt changes can’t be led if you want to build. Anything non-trivial requires foundation so it can stand and function.
So define your foundation – what you consistently do for betterment of yourself and those around you. Split your day into part dictated by planning and part dictated by impulsiveness; and above all, stick with it. By all means, let there be expiry date after which you will reflect on your foundation and whether it is guiding your forward the way you expected. But in the meantime – do not improvise. Do not rationalize. Do not think.
Simply – do. Do what you are supposed to without doubts and questions. Lean on your foundation and follow your plan. You made them both for a reason.
So live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now! -Viktor E. Frankl
We are all in the constant search for meaning. It’s part of human spirit – the need to matter and contribute something meaningful. Some of us are aware of it, some are not. But all of us feel it – that nagging feeling of emptiness inside.
Sure, we can try to numb it – but eventually it’ll always resurface in one way or the other. Defeats are temporary. Whether you’ll allow them to hold you down for a day, month, year… or a decade – in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter. You’ll only negatively impact yourself and people around you. Someone else from the global pool of talent will do what you were supposed to. And he will reap the benefits.
Understand that hole in you is there to stay. With every backward step you take – it will grow. With every step forward – it will shrink. You are built that way. You need to be part of something greater to function. Struggle in itself is irrelevant – whether you are fulfilling your meaning is the only thing you should worry about. And this is something you cannot fake. You can lie to yourself that you don’t care. You can allow laziness to destroy your dreams. But you can’t fill the void in yourself without honest and meaningful effort.
Hole will always be your sole responsibility. Others can try to help. You can try to help others. But in the end, fulfillment is a solo mission. Be grateful for that – majority is often a hindrance, not help. It’s OK. They are not against you – they are just trying to do what’s best for them. Help them if you can. Leave them if you can’t. But don’t dwell, don’t yell and certainly don’t start conflicts. It serves no-one and destroys you.
Focus on the hole in your soul. And work on filling it the best you can.
All of old. Nothing else ever. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett
It is stunning to witness the impact of distractions in the world today. When you look at dynamics of everyday life you’ll see that most of us are not bound by hard limitations. Sure, we will complain that we don’t have enough smarts, resources or time. But closer inspection will almost always show that none of that is the real issue. The real issue is focus.
The biggest challenge is to actually allow ourselves to do what needs to be done. As soon as that hurdle is passed, everything becomes easier. Center yourself and start – and most often you’ll just keep going.
If you made commitment, honor it. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve promised something small or something big. What matters is that you stop allowing yourself to stress daily about things you’ve thought through multiple times. Understand that your brain wants to protect you – we are wired to always look for easy way out. But you should be responsible enough to recognize when easy way is not the right way.
Sure, rethink your decisions once a week. Set a time, sit down and see what you can improve. What is missing from your routine? What are the results of your work so far? Can you do something better – eliminate unnecessary tasks? Try out something new you haven’t so far? Ask and answer all the questions that popped in your head when you were about to perform work.
But in the meantime keep doing what you decided to do. Do not challenge. Do not procrastinate. Do not think.
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do -Henry Ford
Tomorrow is the new day. It is a clean slate, a second chance. It doesn’t matter what happened today, yesterday or whenever in the past. Tomorrow is the new day that you can use to start fresh and do whatever you need to do so you can fill your life with happiness.
The only problem is that power of tomorrow is so big and tempting that many of us live in constant anticipation of it. There are few hours left in today’s day, there is energy in us, yet out of laziness we allow ourselves to say – tomorrow. Like dozen of hours will make a difference. Like we will magically wake up feeling ready to do everything we were supposed to be doing for the past year.
You already know that’s not going to happen. Learn from the past and dream about the future. But do your work right now. The only time you can influence is the present. You know you are already equipped to do what you are supposed to do. Stop blocking and lying yourself that you will feel better tomorrow. The only thing that will make you feel better is the sense of accomplishment. Knowledge that you gave your 100 percent, and not some meager output circumstances and excuses allowed you to give.
Tune out the distractions, close your eyes and remember. Remember the plans that you made, the path you are supposed to follow and the goals that are yours to conquer. Understand and accept that you can get anywhere you want but that you must start from your present point. No amount of resting, procrastinating or fooling yourself will move your from where you are. Only good, old, hard work and willingness to stick to it will.
So – do your work. That way when tomorrow comes, you truly will feel better. Not because you magically woke up in a better state, but because you can remember previous day and see that instead of giving up, you conquered the day. And that you are ready to do it again.
Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you -Thomas Jefferson
You have probably heard some variation of negative life philosophies. They often focus on criticizing life and things you shouldn’t, won’t and can’t obtain. Lacking and terrible; you’ll never be good enough, they say. Then there is also a part about our existence being mere coincidence which can be erased by number of likely scenarios. If humanity doesn’t destroy itself that is. We almost destroyed ourselves in the recent past and as news tells us, some tough times are ahead.
So, looking from that perspective – why even bother? We all will die anyway. Even if we spend every waking hour of our life working and trying and giving our best and struggling against adversity and fighting disappointments, we will essentially end up in the same state as those who decided not to bother at all and went on with distracting themselves.
The core problem with negative life philosophies is not whether or not they are *correct*. The core problem is that they are built as an excuse. People who end up embracing negativity always first acknowledged that it is easier to give up than try. It obviously is. And once that easy choice was made, all that was left is finding excuses to justify the decision.
Don’t let yourself fall into this trap. The same way others pick pessimism you can pick optimism. Will making that choice be harder? Sure – but only for start. After someone truly makes positive outlook part of his character he is unable to let it go. For all those unhappy who need one small reason to get depressed, you have those who you can’t knock off happiness no matter what you try. Throw obstacles, frustrations and problems toward someone who is positively-focused, and he’ll keep evading and crushing them while laughing like a maniac.
It’s inspiring, really. Knowing that a persistent shift to the right state of mind is all we need to become unstoppable. That those unhappy ones laying around and saying “I don’t care” to everything offered are using exactly the same phrase that happy ones utter while facing challenges. So, decide to try and stay positive for your own sake. Ignore or deal with negativity of environment the best you can, depending on situation. And just keep going!
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way -Viktor E. Frankl
Note: This post was inspired by life and work of Dr Viktor E. Frankl. Kind human being who survived Auschwitz and bore no ill will toward anyone. Not even to the neighborhoods who reported him and his family to Nazis. The same ones he treated as a doctor – both before and after the World War 2.
More yet, he wrote a great book – Men’s Search for Meaning. I highly recommend that you read it. Learn more about this great human being.
In today’s opinionated world the worst thing one can do is get lost in countless battles that are around us. Who would be the best president? Which sports team deserves most attention and recognition? What is the ideal form of government? Why is group A attacking group B and who is right there?
Those who managed to educate themselves and focus their brain understand that most of the questions most of the people ask themselves most of the day are completely irrelevant. Yet, those questions are the ones people answer every day in their heads over and over. Until they are lost and drained of willpower.
Consciously decide what topics interest you. Do not let advertisements, TV or yet another yelling idiot take you off your path. Do not let someone else decide what you will be thinking about during your day. Reign in your brain and focus it on topics that interest you.
Be especially careful about giving your time and interest to other people. One of the easiest ways to drain your willpower is to get involved in confrontations with others over trivial things. Integrate others into your plans but don’t depend on them. Focus on your production and things you can do, not others.
When you know what is important for you – follow the advice – give in and surrender. Everything that you decided not to be worth of your time, simply fold and surrender. Do what needs to be done, so you can take a loss and move on. Only then will you be able to double down on things that lead you ahead. Only then will you be free to embrace the grind that leads you to toward path of happiness, secluded from pointless arguments. Only when you surrender what you don’t care about can you fight for what you do care about.
Featured comment of the week: Luck is when opportunity meets preparation by brilliantviewpoint
Lack of direction, not lack of time is the problem. We all have twenty-four hour days -Zig Ziglar
One of the most impactful things in life is the group of people you share your time with. We humans climbed to the top of the food chain by organizing into tribes and standing united against stronger, faster and meaner enemies. What we couldn’t even imagine as individuals, we achieved as a part of a group. Tens of thousands of years we spent roaming and evolving together left the imprint of social animal all over us.
However, in this era of distractions and shallow entertainment many of us seem to have forgotten how important real relationships are. There is no surer way to box yourself into depression then to cut ties with everyone around you. At first it may seem like a great idea, but as time passes you’ll start to realize that you need someone, anyone to share your thoughts with.
So, choose to belong for sake of your own sanity. Understand that everything becomes easier when you truly invest yourself and share time with people you care about. Find those who share your values and goals. Stay away from those who don’t. But be prepared to give – the best relationships are those where you can help others with their need and have them satisfy yours.
Now, will you be burned more often than not by giving and not receiving? Of course. In the rapidly changing world of today, everyone needs so much, and tomorrow they will need even more. Know your limits but do not let those limits hold you. If you are able to give – give freely. Rejoice that you were able to provide and contribute to the social network we all depend on.
The more you give, the more you will develop yourself. We all end up getting pulled toward our own group. Leeches always end up with leeches. Givers always end up with givers. Don’t let adversity and disappointment knock you off your path and drive you toward group you don’t belong. Choose to give and be foundation for people around you and help them develop. Make your group a giver’s group and start carrying each other on the path of happiness.
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes -William Gibson
It said that truths are often forgotten only to be rediscovered in somewhat similar shape and form. Just look at happiness – one of the most studied topics in the history of human kind. We know more about happiness then about almost any other subject. Countless books have been written on the subject of happiness; and funny enough, some authors even tried giving a list of steps you need to do in order to be happy. Yet so many of us are unhappy.
The problem is that knowing and practicing are not the same thing. We all know that when hitter steps in batters box he should hit baseball out of ballpark. But give us a bat and we would look ridiculous while trying to do something we know so much about when we see it on TV. We allow our brains to simplify until the point where everything looks so easy, yet it becomes so hard when we actually need to do it.
If there was no distinction between knowing and practicing – being well-spoken would be inherent trait since we all talk. But, only few of us actually pay attention when speaking. Others are too busy thinking about problems of the past, expectations from the future and that video on YouTube they need to revisit and watch.
In this moment, if you allowed yourself to think and dream – you would find that you absolutely know in which direction you should head out in order to be happy. True enough, you also know doubts, uncertainties and obstacles that are keeping you from starting toward your goals and happiness.
It all comes down to asking yourself – will you stand up and bask in the light of doing or stay crouched in the dirt of knowing? Will you actually practice what you already understand? Will you commit yourself to refocusing your mind from distractions onto things that you truly care about? Will you allow yourself to be happy?
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are – Theodore Roosevelt
By now you have probably experienced depressing impact circumstances and people can have on your plans. You were doing great and going toward the goal when suddenly external influence changed everything. Losing control you got upset and eventually your focus is completely broken, crushing you for a day and leaving you crippled for a week as you try to regroup and reorganize you plans.
This may bring up lots of questions like: Do you need to involve yourself in extended planning discussions? Should you be aggressive until others start realizing their negative impact? What about prevention of unexpected circumstances? Do you need a roadmap on dealing with possible negative scenarios? Should you argue with others about your plans?
To all previous (and similar) questions answer is easy: no. What you simply need to do is make plans with less dependencies and conditions. Do not make plans which assume that everybody will act in their best interests. When you actually take time to think about it, you can easily realize that people seldom act in their best interest. As soon emotions kick in, majority of us will completely lose it.
Don’t allow yourself to do that. Fight against impulsiveness that takes you away from your goals. Take the charge and own your plan to the point where you are ready and committed to do everything by yourself. Do not run away from obligations and lure yourself with false promises of somebody else doing your work. Nobody will.
Only you can do your work. Only when your plan has as little dependencies as possible are you ready to begin. With clarity it’ll be obvious why top performers are also the ones that do not shy away from obligations but rather strive to carry everything on their shoulders. Only when you start refusing to count on scraps from others and commit yourself to your personal excellence will you be able to bask in the joy of pushing toward your goals oblivious of obstacles and distractions.
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame. – Erica Jong
The one thing that you should do every day is to remind yourself where you are going. Remember the plans that you’ve made for yourself. Recite them every morning. Own that easiest and indispensable building block of living happy and fulfilled life – be present and know where you are actually going. Understand true motivation and purpose behind your actions.
Once you are truly on the path toward your goal, the only thing left is to start enjoying the journey. That’s where most people start to struggle. They stay so focused on the goal that they allow frustrations of not yet arriving to build up to the point of bursting. Why? Getting upset that you haven’t already arrived will not make you reach your goal faster. Even worse, in most situations, it’ll actually put you further away from your goal.
Building up understanding and appreciation of the journey toward goals is indispensable skill that we all need to develop. Love your struggles. Appreciate the grind that brings you closer to your goals. Rejoice that your destination is long and hard, allowing you to celebrate not once, but multiple times for each and every milestone you pass on your journey. Reject doubts that are trying to get a hold of you and arise above petty excuses and empty dreams of everything changing once you arrive at certain destination.
Stop focusing on the goal when that goal is just a mean to another end. You are not reaching an end point, but yet another marker on the longer path your drew for yourself. Focus on the happy fact that you are performing in the moment and that you are staying true to the decisions you’ve made. And stop shielding yourself from excitement. Allow your inner self to release cry of joy for every single victory no matter how small or trivial it may seem. You deserve to celebrate and be celebrated for every positive impact you make.
Only when you put journey ahead of destination will you be ready to conquer anything you set yourself toward. The happiness belongs to those who love each and every moment of what they are doing. And if you are on the path toward your goals, nothing is preventing you from joining them. Embrace the grind.
The chief cause of unhappiness and failure is trading what you want most for what you want right now – Zig Ziglar