Choose to belong and fight for others. Depression targets those with no one around them.

One of the most impactful things in life is the group of people you share your time with. We humans climbed to the top of the food chain by organizing into tribes and standing united against stronger, faster and meaner enemies. What we couldn’t even imagine as individuals, we achieved as a part of a group. Tens of thousands of years we spent roaming and evolving together left the imprint of social animal all over us.

However, in this era of distractions and shallow entertainment many of us seem to have forgotten how important real relationships are. There is no surer way to box yourself into depression then to cut ties with everyone around you. At first it may seem like a great idea, but as time passes you’ll start to realize that you need someone, anyone to share your thoughts with.

So, choose to belong for sake of your own sanity. Understand that everything becomes easier when you truly invest yourself and share time with people you care about. Find those who share your values and goals. Stay away from those who don’t. But be prepared to give – the best relationships are those where you can help others with their need and have them satisfy yours.

Now, will you be burned more often than not by giving and not receiving? Of course. In the rapidly changing world of today, everyone needs so much, and tomorrow they will need even more. Know your limits but do not let those limits hold you. If you are able to give – give freely. Rejoice that you were able to provide and contribute to the social network we all depend on.

The more you give, the more you will develop yourself. We all end up getting pulled toward our own group. Leeches always end up with leeches. Givers always end up with givers. Don’t let adversity and disappointment knock you off your path and drive you toward group you don’t belong. Choose to give and be foundation for people around you and help them develop. Make your group a giver’s group and start carrying each other on the path of happiness.

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. -William Gibson

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes -William Gibson

Comments

33 thoughts on “Choose to belong and fight for others. Depression targets those with no one around them.

  1. I love this because it speaks to me I am trying to get out there and meet people so this is really helpful !! It’s hard sometimes to open up to people than to just cut ties and be alone !! I think we have a similar style would love if you check my blog !! Thank you and great job

    • Yeah – I landed on your blog few days ago for the first time and am regularly visiting since. Saw your post on Bad Boys – and answer there is easy: girls don’t prefer “bad” boys over “good” boys… it’s just that bad boys polarize much faster and as a result interact with more girls faster getting to the ones that like them (for whatever reason: appearance, lifestyle, chemistry, etc.).

      I think that’s also applicable to what I am talking here – if you manage to be honest and direct you’ll much more quickly find the group of people you truly enjoy spending time with.

  2. You are talking about relationships. I saw how my friends turned back and how i valued the girls, did not pay any attention as i desired, do you think this is possible sincerely in this material world? Good post. Just my opinion. )

    • Sure – in this world anything is possible. Just look at Elon Musk and his ideas of colonizing Mars in next 20 years. Or this tunnel building he is at right now – digging NY-Phil-Balt-DC Hyperloop. So you could get from NY to DC in 29 mins. Out of this world, right?

      But, if you are in position where friends are turning their backs or girls do not repay attention – do two things: 1. Find a way to work more on yourself 2. Interact with more people. I’ve been there and I understand. Looking back I can’t say that I had one childhood friend who would call me “their best friend”. But – it is what it is – environment, problems others are having, my persona, circumstances, etc. Out of all that – the only thing you can truly influence is yourself… so you keep working and keep mingling with new people until you find the ones that truly appreciate you for who you are.

      Good luck!

      • You are completely right, we need to in the quest of right people who appreciate us and willing to accept us with our all faults and mistakes, thank you for your advice! πŸ™‚

      • You are completely right, we need to be in the quest of right people who appreciate us and willing to accept us with our all faults and mistakes, thank you for your advice! πŸ™‚

  3. Love the quote at the end. I think we are all guilty of trying to self diagnose ourselves because we are too afraid to say what we feel. I finally went to the doctor five months ago because I knew there was something wrong me. I couldn’t eat, sleep or even function anymore. The diagnoses was heartbreaking but I’m getting through it. We all need to be open about our feelings to start healing from within.

  4. Love the post. This is an ongoing issue and very easy to fall into depression without even knowing it. I’m guilty of it and as a man it’s hard to admit at times as you feel like a failure as you should be the one taking care of your family not them taking care of you. I know the few times I’ve fell into depression it was easier to blame someone else for it and was easier to not fight out of it and only do what I felt like doing which was nothing. I had family around me supporting me yet I felt like I was alone on earth. It’s scary how it can easily and quickly go to much worse than better. It’s like your mind refuses to do anything that you don’t want to do. The sleepless nights on top of it don’t help the situation. The more people tell you to snap out of it the harder it gets. The mind is a scary powerful weapon that when put to good use is powerful enough to invent computers or an amazing blog but when you let the mind take control can make you so sick. I went on a rant and I’m sorry for that. I would say the only one that can get you out of depression at the end is you. You need to want it. Friends can’t want it for you. Medication and doctors can’t get you out if it if you don’t want to. Easier said than done that for sure. If your in depression, from me to you, not give up the fight. Fight every day for a better day and one day you’ll find yourself remembering you were once depression but you better now.

    • My experience is that feeling like a failure is an intrinsic part of being a man :). So, as long as you are able to find strength and fight with problems – all is good. And don’t feel sorry – I’m honored you wrote that comment after reading my post – we need more real, “fight every day for a better day” comments. Keep it up friend!

  5. Today many people are letting the fast pace of life take away time with older family members, and there are a lot of elderly who are lonely, prone to depression and have no one to talk to.

    I really like what you said about finding those who share your values.

    • While we are on the subject of elderly – did you see The Bedtime Storytellers project? Where elderly in nursing homes read bedtime stories and then those audiobooks are played to children around the country? It truly warmed my heart and showed how great humanity can be:

      • Thanks for sharing this story. I had not heard about it. I think the elderly have many wonderful stories and wise words to share with us. We have to be willing to spend a little time with them to listen, because one day “we” will all be old.

  6. It’s just too beautiful, to be real. Unfortunately life is not a simple math, or maybe it is, only I’m looking on wrong equation. Anyway, the fact you are a giver doesn’t mean you will end up with other givers, it’s probable, that you may end up with a taker/s. It’s easy to be used when you are open hearted person. In relations with other people, your expectations are very important, for you, for others, for the relationship. Not easy, but important is to chose wisely and carefuly, who you consider as a friend/s. Good choice provide better benefits for both sides. Internet seem to be very good and easy way to find someone similar to us,but as before, it’s good to be careful, because you never know, who the other person is. It can be a good person or it can be a cheater as well. It doesn’t mean to be afraid, just remember to stay careful.
    Take care.

    • I don’t know. What I’ve found out is that if you have certain qualities and you nurture them – you’ll rise above your circumstances. It’s inevitable. Same if you are a giver… it’s no wonder that Bill Gates is hanging out with Warren Buffet. I for sure would love to join them… but since I am nowhere near the giver they are – it’s unlikely they’ll have me.

      Now, being a giver doesn’t mean being stupid. I’ll give as much as I can… and if somebody isn’t appreciating it – one strike, two strikes, three… and you are out. No drama, no complaining, no whining. Accept losses and move on.

      I don’t know how much of this you can apply to online dating… There you also have – if a guy is hooked on using Tinder, how to get him to stop it after starting relationship. Change of behavior is hard… and am not sure I can address it properly here. Maybe in another post? πŸ˜‰

      • Frequently changes are hard, because most of the time is about going out from our comfort zone. We are easily falling in some “routine” and use to some situations and behaviour. Even when it’s about change for better it require effort…
        Take care.

  7. Thanks for sharing. I think we all go through ups/downs in life. Depression is a tricky word, because it labels a person. If we focus on we are “depressed,” sometimes that can take over. My Dad had a lot of challenges in life, but he never used the word “depressed,” instead he would re-focus on pursuing his passion, getting rid of negativity and staying focused on the end goal — whatever that was. One value tape recording I have in my mind is of my Dad saying, “It’s a tough world out there. In the end, the ONLY person who can help you is the person you look at in the mirror every day. Now, pull yourself together, and THINK what is it that you want out of life and GO FOR IT. You are the ONLY person who can make it happen!!” YES, sometimes people helps us… but remember, “LUCK is WHEN OPPORTUNITY MEETS PREPARATION!” Basically, we create our own luck in life. Focus on the positive and making changes in life and depression goes away!

    • Now I need to go through your blog and see if I can hunt down more of your dad’s wisdom ;). It’s great having father like that to learn from!

      • Here’s another one you might find amusing. As I mentioned, my Dad did not have an easy life, but he was NEVER complaining or focusing on the sorrows. One day I was feeling sad and I wanted to discuss this with my Dad. He was not into that. Here was HIS response. If you want to have a “pity party,” then go get your BIGGEST BLANKET and and I’ll get mine. Then we can go at it.

        Smiling… I laughed at this response, because I was expecting to be able to have a cry, or yell or who knows, instead he was basically saying I have lot of issues, but you don’t see me crying about them.

        Let’s go, get on with life, if you want to feel sorry for yourself and focus on “poor me” and the negatives that is YOUR OWN PROBLEM, I have NO TIME for this, I have things I need to get done.

        My father is very passionate about life. He is like a fearless General. A General cannot worry that his troops are cold, hungry, etc. instead he has to focus on keeping them alive and forging ahead.

        THAT is what I learned from my father… forge ahead through snow and ice, ONLY you can do it – stay focused, stay positive and you will succeed. πŸ™‚

        • Seems like it’s time for me to institute “Comment of the week”. And I’m starting with this one – will feature it on next week’s post for everyone to enjoy! Thank you for sharing!

          • Ok… if you could link back to my Blog that would be nice. Maybe my father’s words inspire someone else. I sure have them in my mind on those days that feel tough. πŸ™‚
            Have a nice weekend!

  8. This is a great post. It’s very true too, and so important to make sure we invest our time into people who make us better. The one thing I’m truly learning as I age is that I am constantly changing, growing, increasing my knowledge; and I believe we often need those around us to change with us, even making new friends who fit into our category better and those who build us up and share similar attitudes with us. I think we can often feel alone when we are going through these changing processes, maybe as if people don’t understand. I think you made some really good points and I think good friends are definitely a saving grace at the end of the day.

    • Another thing: I also think that sometimes it is good to be careful about choosing your friends, even if you are in need of someone to speak to you, but true friends really do find you. They happen without you even trying.

      Currently I’m focusing on trying not to invest time in people I feel are toxic to my well being and/or do things I don’t agree with, hoping to find the people that really benefit me and that I just click with. Even though I feel like I’m being a snob and pushing away potential friendships, I also think I’m setting myself up to be in more secure and productive friendships.

    • I agree. I think I wrote somewhere that the best recipe for depression is to put yourself in position where you are constantly giving without receiving anything in return.

      To me, one of the most important traits of a good person is ability to give more than they get in return. Getting to that point is tough though. Thus I encourage everyone to limit their giving to a level they are able to sustain. And then work up from there staying conscious of need to improve.

      • Very right! I’ve seen the effects of someone who gives too much and never makes time to for themselves – as much as we’d like to help everyone, we must prioritise ourselves!

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  10. What a great post and I love it. Human is by default a social animal and we need social support to survive. We thrive when we surround ourselves with like minded people. Finally depression can’t come near a person surrounded by positive people. Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work.

  11. Very thought provoking. I definitely agree that it is so important to avoid putting yourself in situations where there is little/no support and to try to surround yourself with amazing people. I think depression is such a tricky one, as when you truly have depression it isn’t as simple as making changes or tweaking your social circle to be able to move forward and recover, I agree that the label of depression is sometimes used too readily and that can trivialise the true meaning of the illness.

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